Using words with care
by Mimi Doe
Words have the power to destroy or heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change the world.
Jack Kornfield
Words: round musical notes that bolster the spirit.
Words: winged thoughts that fly out of the mouth and wedge themselves firmly in the mind of the receiver.
Our words can inspire or cut our children to the quick. Words can clobber the spirit, the spontaneity, the joy, the soul. “Stop making that awful noise!” puts a lid on a child’s musical moment.
Do your words and tone tell your child that he is a burden and a chore, or do they build him up and assure him of his sacredness?
The singing child hears her mother say, “When you sing in the mornings it starts my day so beautifully. Your voice makes me happy.” The child’s spirit soars and she sings again.
- My dad always tells me that his life got better after I was born, that I am his lucky charm. That makes me feel so special, like he really wanted a girl like me. (Age 6)
Words are a window to the soul. Through your child’s words you can glance at her inner world. Pay attention. What is she saying? Is that what she really means? She may need you to help her put her feelings into words.
- I have these feeling sometimes. My mom says, “What are you feeling?” But I’m not sure. I don’t know how to say what I am feeling. There are many of those times. (Age 5)
Ideas come to life when they are put into words. Someone else knows what you are thinking, feeling, exploring, understanding when you communicate. Questions can be answered, inventions can begin, games can start, friendships can grow, wisdom can be shared, spirits can be enriched when children express their ideas.
“We are born with the power of the universe on the tip of our tongues.”
Anonymous
Compliments: Words that empower
Pay attention to the power words have on your children. It’s always a boost for kids to know what you, almighty parent, are thinking about them. Assess your child’s positive qualities, then let him know what you think.
Why shouldn’t your three-year-old know that she is beautiful with apple-red cheeks or your 10-year-old hear that he is a quick learner? Let kids overhear you use positive statements about them. Somehow it is much more powerful to hear, “Let me ask Lynn about decorating the living room; she is so good with color,” than “Lynn, what color do you think we should paint the living room?”
The same goes when we pass along words of praise or compliments. Kids need to hear how great they are directly from you, but they also need the message indirectly, from other people, through you. It seems to stick better. When you relay a positive remark that someone else has made, it lodges in a child's mind and adds a glimmer to her heart.
You might even write positive words on index cards and keep them in a Compliment Box. Your child can pull out nourishing words when he needs a boost.
Remember this: Any word you speak with meaning will have power.
Ernest Holmes
“Being at home can be fun, insulating, relaxed, boring or isolating ... depending on how the day is going.”*
School holidays are almost over in my part of the world – six long weeks of noise and squabbling balanced by hot, lazy days at the beach or the pool with lots of daring exploits and laughter. Many of our days were spent at home, basking in simple pleasures like baking, playing games or outdoor pursuits – trying to relax the everyday routines of school-morning bustle and ‘having to be somewhere on time’. However pleasant, I must admit to being relieved that life gets back to normal next week, and I can reclaim some of my own time for writing again!
* From Being Mummy by Anne‑marie Taplin published April 2007